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How not to write fantasy

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I was going through my "inspiration" folder the other day when I came across this little piece I wrote a few years back.  Since many of us are in need of a good laugh to beat the January blues, I thought I would post it now.  This is especially for my writer friends... How not to write fantasy 1.  On no account use your own experiences directly.  However interesting you personally find your scientific records of 121 days hatching a dragon's egg, or the secret memoirs of your affair with a dashing student wizard in 1974, the public are likely to be less forgiving.  Always mix truth with a little fiction.  If in doubt, try inserting the words vinyl flooring, tailbacks expected and celebrity master chef at regular intervals. 2.  Never embark without knowing where you are going.  You may think it fun to leave your hero balancing in the boughs of an iron willow in the Hall of Fifteen Lamps for three months, but he will most likely look on the situation less favourably and be i